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It’s not just about us, but what makes us orient in the world goes back over generations

I have just moved my private practice. Although it’s not been very far, and I haven’t moved any furniture, it hasn’t been the easiest step for me to take. Moving houses brings up a lot of associations – and I assume not just for me, as there are plenty of sayings about the meaning of home. Besides obviously “home sweet home," the idea “home is not just a place, it’s a feeling” really hit home for me. Indeed, it is a feeling, and this “feeling of home” doesn’t necessarily have to be connected to the outside place, but just like any other feeling, it needs to be taken care of and be nourished. And well, some places are more in line with our feeling of home than others. I’ve had my private practice in the same place since 2018, and I quite liked it. You may have seen the fabulous view from the top roof in the heart of Vienna. There was nothing wrong with it, and when the new place popped into my awareness, I couldn’t pinpoint what made me decide to move, despite certainly many apparent facts that weren’t in line with my experience. “On ne voit bien avec le coer, l’essentielle est invisible pour les yeux” / “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery).

For most of my clients (including myself), cultural integration isn’t an obvious topic in everyday life. We’re fitting in and are used to belonging to one or the other community – usually not at the same time. It looks like one day – or even moment – we have one cultural identity and the next day another. We’re adapted either way and that’s just the way it is. It looks needless to give it another thought . . . Unfortunately, there are shiny moments that suddenly arise out of the blue and give a little painful stitch right into the heart. It’s a friend who completely forgot that most of the people outside are speaking German. And it can be a comment on my accent that keeps coming up. On such occasions, I feel slightly inadequate, I notice that there’s a part of me not seen by most people, even forgotten by my dearest friends. Looks like I’m well-integrated. Do you relate to and recognize those moments in your life when the second part of your cultural identity knocks at the door? If so, something is waiting to be integrated. And to make it even more confusing there’s a funny paradox between integration on the outside and inside yourself: the best-integrated people on the outside have many times chosen a shortcut and adapted to the cost of leaving parts of their cultural heritage behind.

Integration is a difficult topic one could easily get lost in. That’s why I want to take it to a more personal level. I’m talking about the seamless little details in everyday life, like drinking coffee or tea. Following up on them might lead us to a cultural and historical tradition like Vienna Coffee houses and English Tea time. Are you familiar with the struggles of juggling two diverse cultural traditions? The longing to belong to two (maybe even conflicting) cultures? If so, this blog is for you. And if, for whatever reason, it’s not so much your topic, but you’re close to a person with whom it resonates, chances are, you may benefit from understanding your person on a much deeper level.

I Won’t Go Speechless by Princess Jasmine (Naomi Scott) Here comes a wave meant to wash me away A tide that is taking me under Swallowing sand, left with nothing to say My voice drowned out in the thunder But I won't cry And I won't start to crumble Whenever they try To shut me or cut me down I won't be silenced You can't keep me quiet Won't tremble when you try it All I know is I won't go speechless 'Cause I'll breathe When they try to suffocate me Don't you underestimate me 'Cause I know that I won't go speechless

Today, I’m talking about a very common topic. It’s more familiar in my daily life than my neighbours: I’m not enough. About every second client session, I get to meet with one of the countless varieties of this idea. One that I honestly relate to is “I’m not smart enough”. Two days ago one of my clients brought it up while reviewing the results of her cognitive ability diagnostics with an IQ above 130. The version I encountered yesterday was “I am not concise enough” and “I am too messy to speak up”. Do you relate to this next logical step as well? “I am too ... to be seen.” And therefore “honestly, I’m so not enough that I’m unlovable. I feel ashamed and better shut up.” What a sad and lonely place to be in. I feel so sorry for this kind of suffering and as well a bit fed up. I know and understand how hard it is for each and every one of us to deal with the feeling of not being ... enough. And looking at society I’m a bit upset about all the places that support ideas of not being strong/smart/hardworking/skinny/pretty/young..... enough. From this place, I would like to shout out and warn you “Be careful who you surround yourself with”. There are certainly some environments that benefit from people who don’t feel ...enough.

Hello and welcome to my blog on the role of emotions in relationships. Today, when I speak about relationships, I'm mainly focusing on our primary attachment relationships, commonly referred to as our partnerships or relationships with our spouses. However, you'll notice similar patterns in other profound relationships, where attachment behaviour becomes more evident. The depth of a relationship often amplifies our attachment behaviours, a phenomenon observed from early childhood and persists throughout our lives. It's crucial to understand that what may be perceived as “childish” behaviour is, in fact, inherently human. Have you ever noticed that some emotions make it easier to connect to your spouse than others? I assume that you are well aware that your partner either gets upset or shuts down when they feel criticized or annoyed. Maybe you’re also struggling with feeling ashamed at times and noticed that it leads you into a pretty lonely place. More often than not, when it comes to facing difficulties with our partners, we end up feeling shameful and are very much afraid of being lonely and left alone . And on the contrary, there is sadness as Disney Pixar elaborated in “Inside Out” which has the innate ability to bring people together and connect on an even deeper level. So, how come some emotions bring us together while others keep us in a lonely place? Well, each of them has their job to fulfil. I will expand on this below, and you’ll see why it’s worth doing some emotional work…

The threads of trauma and their far-reaching impact on relationships can be complex and challenging to deal with. Whether you've been diagnosed with a trauma-related disorder, find yourself grappling with the weight of depression, or notice behavioural patterns hindering your connection with your emotions, this blog post is written for you. Have you ever felt concerned about how your struggles might cast a shadow on your relationship? Perhaps your partner has expressed frustration, dismissing the echoes of the past as irrelevant and labelling your reactions as "overreactions." In the realm of relationships, there exists a widely common pattern of a partner who turns away, leaving their significant other unseen in the wake of their trauma. Although they usually fear being faced with their loved one's painful emotions, being left behind by a significant other in their pain is a disconcerting experience for humans – no matter what age.

Unveiling the Core Principles: Understanding EMDR Therapy EMDR is well-known and mainly researched for treating PTSD. It’s a trauma-confrontational method, and we help the brain rewire while integrating the traumatic experience. This help comes from those funny-looking movements, e.g., following the therapist’s moving finger. Although that’s the original way, we can also use bilateral sounds coming from headphones or small vibrating “Christmas trees” (they are green triangles that keep blinking). The modality itself doesn’t really matter, the brain just loves getting help from bilateral stimulation (BLS). Besides that, and most importantly, although it’s less well-known, there’s quite a process to set up the reprocessing in a way that encourages the mind to find its way.